That One Story
by Tadashi-of-the-Fire-Nation
Summary: This is actually a crossover of Big Hero 6, How to Train Your Dragon, Rise of the Guardians, and somewhat Overwatch. It's just a silly romance story between Hiro and the Hijack lovechild. Prepare your butts for ridiculousness because this was inspired by a series of inside jokes between friends. I don't own these assholes by the way as it says at the beginning of Chapter 1.
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: There are several homosexual pairings in this fanfiction. I have a very harsh and rude sense of humor at times. That will not change. I am always open to constructive criticism about my writing but outright insulting me and telling me that you're offended will not be acknowledged. Concerning the character of Fiske (aka that nameless kid from the cinematic trailer for the game Overwatch) was inspired by waking-up-tomorrow-morning's character of Ari and the general acceptance of him being the Hijack lovechild among the Tumblr community. waking-up-tomorrow-morning is a really awesome person and I urge you to check out his/her blog on Tumblr. I leave you with this kiddie winkles: constructive criticism or a simple hello is always welcome. I do not feast upon my own kind and I love talking to people.

Overwatch trailer: watch?v=FqnKB22pOC0

waking-up-tomorrow-morning:

I do not own:

Hiccup, Jack Frost, and Toothless © DreamWorks

Overwatch Kid © Blizzard

Tadashi, Hiro, Aunt Cass, Baymax, and Mochi © Disney

**Chapter 1**

Fiske's Point of View

Ugh. Mornings. There has got to be a better way to start my morning than by waking up. And there has got to be something better to wake up to than an obnoxious alarm clock. My name is Fiske Haddock Frost. I know. Ridiculous name. My mother (who's actually a guy) has a long ancestry of Viking in his blood. It's always nice to know my family is world-renowned for pillaging and destroying things.

Anyway, I have a strong Viking name that everyone at school makes fun of me for. Fantastic. It was fine when we were living in a small town but since we've moved to the city of San Fransokyo a lot of things have changed. The kids at school are a lot meaner and more judgmental, and Toothless, my mother's pet dragon, can't go out nearly as much anymore. He's always antsy and fidgety, even after my mother takes him out for his daily flight and repeated dirty looks from both of my parents. My mother is Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, and my father is Jack Overland Frost, the spirit of winter. Mixed heritage doesn't even begin to describe it.

Since you're still here do you want to hear a story? No? Too bad. I'm going to tell you one anyways. This story is called "That Time Fiske Really Fucked Up". Alternatively it could be called "God Damn It Fiske", because that phrase was on everyone's lips for a long time after the incident. Let me start from the beginning before that day.

I woke up like any other day. The sun was shining and everything was right with the world. I was going about my usual business and then decided to actually venture outside. The day was going remarkably well, until I met that sassy piece of shit, Hiro Hamada. We were both fifteen and happened to be in the same comic book store at the same time looking for the same thing. Guardians of the Galaxy: Tomorrow's Avengers Vol. 1. There was only one left. Naturally.

We walked in about the same time and somehow sensed that the other was seeking the same prize. It must have looked ridiculous. Both of us dove for it and ended up grabbing opposite ends of the damn thing.

"I saw it first," I said glaring at him.

"You did not!" Hiro retorted, mirroring my glare back at me.

I felt kind of childish and he probably did too, but comic books are serious business. I was not about to let him walk away with this one.

After a full minute of glaring each other down, he finally spoke.

"Biggest nerd gets to keep it?" Hiro asked.

"Sounds fair enough," I answered.

We started asking each other ridiculous questions about every superhero we could think of. I was doing pretty well until he asked me one of the simplest questions that I hate myself for not knowing the answer to.

"What is Green Lantern's name in the 2001 Justice League cartoon?" Hiro asked.

"Hal Jordan," I answered, then mentally slapped myself repeatedly for my boneheaded mistake.

"John Stewart," He said grinning.

Now I was flustered for having made such a silly mistake, and by how adorable his tooth gap is. Come to think of it, he is pretty god damn attractive.

I reluctantly let go of the book, heat flooding into my cheeks. I could feel a tingling sensation begin to engulf my face. Jesus how red am I right now?

Hiro smiled, "Thanks for the Nerd-Off ummm…"

"Fiske. My name is Fiske," I stated.

Hiro snickered, "Are you the owner of a cat food company?"

"No! I am not!" I said, offended and a little butt hurt, "It's a Viking name, I'll have you know."

"Well Fiske the Viking, my name is Hiro Hamada. And it was nice meeting you," Hiro said, flashing that stupid, adorkable grin of his.

"Er, nice to meet you too," I replied sheepishly. Why is it so hard to be socially acceptable?

"I'll see you around Frisky's," Hiro said. Then he sauntered away to purchase his prize, leaving me to fume over his name slaughtering. God damn it I told him I was NOT the owner of a cat food company, nor did I have any connection to one.

After we had parted ways I knew that I had to see him again. At least once. Messy, wild black hair, warm, russet eyes, stupid dimples when he smiles, smooth, flawless skin, not particularly muscular but still has a good build. He makes 'I just rolled out of bed and waltzed out the door' look drop dead gorgeous.

I fiddled with the pull strings on my sweatshirt as I ambled home past a slew of colorful Victorian style houses. How was I going to find him? Creep around the same comic book store and wait until he shows up to steal another of my future purchases? It's not exactly the best plan but it's the only one I've got.

After about a week of creeping and lurking, I finally saw him again. I was mindlessly looking through a box of Spider-Man comics, acquiring two paper cuts from the cardboard dividers like the cool kid I was destined to be, when the little shit sauntered right up to me and greeted me in the most embarrassing way possible.

"Hey Frisky's. How's your big cat food company doing? I'm sure you're so successful with it by now you're considered a _fat cat_," Hiro said teasingly.

My face never turned a more beet red before in my life. I couldn't even find words to retort back with.

"What's the matter Frisky's? Cat got your tongue?" Hiro asked.

"Will you quit it!?" I said, smacking his arm a little harder than I originally intended.

Hiro wasn't phased in the least, "Don't like cat jokes?"

"Not when it's making fun of my name!" I replied.

"I'm sorry, Fiske was it?" Hiro asked.

I nodded, still giving him a bit of the stink eye.

"Let me buy you a donut. No hard feelings?" He asked.

I started to open my mouth to say yes then I hesitated. He's done nothing but steal my comic books and make fun of my name. He's a turd. On the other hand an attractive guy wants to buy me a donut. Does life get any better than that? Whether he's a turd or not?

"Sure Tooth Gap. As long as you buy me two donuts. I'm a bit of a fatty," I said, mouth already beginning to water at the thought of shoving circles of delicious in my face and not having a single regret about it.

"Done. Just let me spend a good portion of my paycheck and I'll be right with you," Hiro said, grabbing several Daredevil comic books and then meandering towards the counter to pay for them.

My face had lightened several shades by now but my heart started going at full tilt. I would have to actually be social and not make a fool out of myself long enough to get through attaining donuts with this guy. Good lord. Why does life test me so? Before I knew it Hiro had returned with a bag of comics.

"You ready to go, nerd?" Hiro asked.

"Whenever you are, Tooth Gap," I playfully shot back.

We sauntered down to the donut shop… and passed right by it. Even I know what a donut shop looks like. Where the hell did this kid think he was going?

"Do you need glasses _and_ braces? The donuts are over there," I said, pointing across the street.

"Those donuts are inferior to the ones I'm going to get you," Hiro answered back.

"So now you're a donut bigot?" I asked.

"Always have been. Always will be," Hiro smiled.

We walked a few more blocks before Hiro led me into a place called The Lucky Cat Café. It was on a busy street corner in a part of town that I had never been to before. It somehow had the look of a modern Victorian Japanese tea shop, if that's possible. There was also a white cat statue above the door. Was it inherently lucky? I couldn't tell you.

We walked in past some obnoxious green plaid curtains that were attempting to stray from the window and consume incoming customers, and then he asked me which donuts I wanted. I pointed to a gorgeous looking raised glazed and a captivating old fashioned chocolate. What Hiro did next was more than a little strange to me. He stepped right through the small swinging door to the area behind the counter, reached in, and took them.

"Holy shit! You're a donut burglar now!?" I asked.

"Relax. My aunt owns this place and I get donuts for free. Sheesh, it looks like you're going to have an aneurism any moment," He said, grabbing two donuts for himself.

"I didn't know! To me it looked like you were commandeering the donut shop," I retorted, "Society has rules about that kind of stuff you know."

Before Hiro could formulate a sassy comeback, a short woman with olive colored eyes, and short, wavy brown hair flounced into the room. She embraced Hiro and very nearly squeezed the life out of him.

"Hiro you're back!" The woman said, "And you've brought home a friend!"

"Hi, Aunt Cass," Hiro said, "This is my friend, Fiske."

Aunt Cass then proceeded to squeeze the life out of me.

"It's nice to meet you," I managed to choke out.

"It's nice to meet you too Fiske. It's not often that we have company, and we would love it if you would stay for dinner tonight. I'm making hot wings!" Aunt Cass said cheerfully.

I smiled, "That sounds really nice. Thanks."

Hiro started making his way towards the stairs at the far end of the café, "We'll be upstairs if you need anything Aunt Cass. Hurry up, Frisky's. Let's go."

I followed my new companion upstairs to what I assumed was his shared bedroom. On one half there was a mess and on the other was OCD Wonderland. There was also two beds on either side of the room. Hiro must have a brother or something. Whoever else lived here they were really into alphabetizing. Books, music CDs, movies, you name it. It was all perfectly aligned in alphabetical order on the shelves.

Hiro made his way through a gargantuan mess on his side of the room to his bed and I followed suit. There were lots of posters of robots and superheroes all over the otherwise barren walls. There was also about four shelves of action figures on the wall to the left of the bed. I had just entered the lair of a really big nerd. We began having a glorious donut picnic on his ridiculously soft blue striped comforter.

"So you live with your Aunt?" I asked through a mouthful of glazed amazingness.

"Yeah, my parents died when I was three years old. What about you? Who do you live with?" Hiro asked.

I paused for a moment to process that information. The poor thing. He probably didn't remember very much about his parents. I didn't realize I had a crush on Batman's Asian successor.

"Uh, I live with my parents," I said, suddenly feeling guilty for having both of mine.

"What are they like?" Hiro asked, "If you don't mind me being nosy."

"I don't mind at all. My mother is the best dragon rider and trainer you'll ever see. He's got a beautiful Night Fury named Toothless. Though I think Toothless just tolerates my dad and me. He's always following my mom around pestering for attention, fish and to go outside. My dad is a professional piece of shit. He's the one who brings snow in winter. I can't tell you how many times I've rounded a corner and gotten hit with a snowball," I explained.

Hiro was staring at me with a blank look on his face. Then I realized just how far fetched what I just said was and that he probably thinks I'm mentally handicapped.

"I'm telling the truth! You'd have to meet them to believe it though," I added quickly.

"Uh huh. Well, Frisky's you want to play some video games or do you not have those in the distant land that you come from?" Hiro asked.

"Of course I have video games where I come from," I said, frowning at him.

"Just making sure, dude," Hiro replied.

As Hiro turned on his Xbox and started rummaging around for controllers in his mountainous pile of clothing he had so gracefully thrown on the floor, I felt a small circle of pressure in my lower back. I turned around, startled. A humongous ball of multicolored fluff smashed its head into my hand.

"You didn't tell me you had a cat!" I said, coaxing the feline into my lap and massaging his silky ears.

"He's not a cat," Hiro replied simply, "He's a turd. I panic one time and he tries to make my life hell for months afterward."

"What did you do to the poor thing?" I asked, completely entranced by how soft this cat truly was. I had to restrain myself from shoving my face into the waves of velvety fur.

"I… may or may not have thrown him," Hiro said sheepishly, "But I will neither admit nor deny it."

"Jesus Hiro! You're a cat abuser?" I gasped.

"Calm yourself. He's gotten over it. Jeez, you really care about your customers don't you, Frisky's," Hiro said tauntingly.

"Can it, Dental Work," I huffed as he handed me a controller, "So what's his name?"

"Mochi," Hiro said, "He also responds to Hairy Baby."  
>"Aw, that's adorable," I said smiling, "Is he a Calico?"<p>

"Nope, Japanese Bobtail," Hiro replied.

"Should have guessed that the cat is as Asian as you are," I teased.

"Ha ha, very funny," Hiro sniffed, "So you're a Viking and a comedian are you?"

"I like to think so," I grinned, Mochi was purring and rubbing his head against me. This was possibly the most majestic creature I had ever gotten the honor to snuggle.

"Well, feel free to join the game whenever you're done molesting my cat," Hiro replied.

After several hours of getting ultra-competitive over a game of Rayman: Origins and a delicious dish of hot wings with Aunt Cass, I realized I hadn't texted either of my parents. Sound the funeral bells, my mom is going to kill me.

I scrambled to get my phone out of my pocket and low and behold my dad had texted me. Good grief. It was sent only three minutes ago. Some higher power still loves me at least. I quickly texted him back and then began to elegantly make my exit.

"Thanks for feeding and housing me for the day," I said to Aunt Cass.

"You're welcome in my café anytime, Fiske. It's always nice to have company," Aunt Cass said merrily, giving me another Herculean hug.

Hiro and I exchanged phone numbers, hugs, and sassy remarks before I started the trek back home. I had actually made a friend. I was feeling pretty proud of myself. That is until I got a text from Hiro about halfway home. I almost turned around to storm all the way back and slap him, but I showed self-discipline and continued back to the house. Besides, I always have time to slap him later. The conversation was short, but was pretty much an allegory for our entire relationship.

Hey Diane. My phone keeps autocorrecting

your name and I'm far too lazy to fix it. Just

wanted to make sure this is the right number.

What with you being a ditz and all.

God damn it Hiro I am not a ditz.

You're right. More like Fritz. And your name

is also Diane in my contacts.

Just so you know.

Done with your shit Hiro. And what

the hell is a Fritz?

Done with my shit? Already? This is only

the beginning. And Fritz the Cat is an

X rated animated film directed by Ralph

Bakshi in the 1970s. Fritz is an anthropomorphic

feline who goes on a personal journey to find

himself. It explores hedonism and sociopolitical

consciousness. It's also a satire on college

life, race relations, free love, and politics.

Oh great. Can't wait for day two. More

bullshit and cat jokes. You are an astounding

encyclopedia of useless information by the way.

Thank you. I try.

I sighed. The brisk air filled my lungs and left a light stinging sensation in my chest. I swear, if he calls me Diane for the rest of our lives I will pee on him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

(Meanwhile: Back at the Frost/Haddock Residence)

Jack's Point of View

Fiske had been gone for several hours by now. I had to admit, I was a little worried. Fiske isn't usually one to get himself in trouble, but he has his moments. I started to pick up my phone to call him, then stopped myself. I was not going to be that overbearing father who constantly harasses his son every two hours of the day. I wanted Fiske to enjoy his Saturday.

On the other hand he did say he was going to the comic book store and that's it. Either he's reading an entire comic series over there or he got kidnapped. Another option could be that he had gotten amnesia and was wandering around the city aimlessly. I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

I sighed. Fiske will be fine. He's a strong independent fifteen year old boy who… got lost at Food 4 Less. Right. He definitely takes after his mother on that one. Or at least I like to think so. I have to admit, I'm not the shining example of observant. I have blind spots, I just don't see them.

There was also another time, I think he was nine or ten, Fiske got lost at the mall. Ridiculous child. Hiccup was busy shopping for a birthday present for that annoying guy at work, the one who thinks he's funny but can't crack a joke worth a damn, and I was on Fiske patrol. And doing a pretty shitty job of it too. After we left Bath and Body Works, which smelled like the Pillsbury Dough Boy's asshole by the way, I may or may not have been distracted by a sale at GameStop next door. I needed to get away from the 50 shades of obnoxious vanilla perfumes in that place. How anyone could even smell the product they were buying in there? I look away for 0.2 seconds, turned back around, and the little shit was gone. His phone was dead and I was going to be joining it if I didn't find him before Hiccup noticed anything was wrong. I told Hiccup we would meet up with him later and that Fiske and I were just going to be wandering around for a bit. It took 3 hours of scouring the mall and James Bonding out of Hiccup's sight before I found him. Fiske was wandering around JC Penny looking for me. Why he thought that would be the best place to look I will never know. Case in point, the boy can be a bit dense.

Just as I started reaching for my phone again Hiccup strode into the room like the protective mother he always has been. "Is that boy home yet?" Hiccup asked worriedly.

I shook my head and stretched, "He probably lost track of time that's all."

"Jack, you know him. He doesn't look for trouble, but trouble looks for, and successfully finds, him," Hiccup countered.

I nodded, "I know. I know. I'm going to text him right now."

I picked up my phone a second time but before I could even get past the lock screen Toothless slapped it right out of my hand. He crawled onto my lap and shoved his head into my chest. Obnoxious dragon. I picked up my phone for possibly the millionth time today and began texting Fiske while giving Toothless rubs under his big scaly chin. The sensation of cold scales never bothered me or Fiske as much it did Hiccup. If it got below 80 degrees Hiccup would inevitably be whining about the cold. Ever since he left Berk he had quickly gotten accustomed to warmer temperatures. That's why Fiske and I make fun of him every winter. We call him the bi polar bear. Needless to say, Hiccup doesn't appreciate our bullshit. It took me three times longer than usual to send a simple text with 5 tons of annoying still spread across my lap.

Hey Fiske where are you? Your mother

and I are worried about you.

Sorry Dad! I'm at a friend's house.

Who's house?

Hiro's.

I looked over at Hiccup, "Hey, do we know a Hiro?"

"I don't know, Frank is a firefighter. He's not a very good one but what he does is pretty heroic," Hiccup answered, cleaning off the kitchen counter.

"No, I mean an Asian kid. Like his name is Hiro," I clarified, rubbing behind Toothless' ears.

"I know I don't," Hiccup replied, walking over and sitting down on the couch next to me. He began fussing with the throw pillows. Hiccup always fusses with things when he's nervous. His fussing kind of gets me wound up too if I let it get to me.

"Well at least we know that he's not lost somewhere in the city. Then we'd have to go and look for his dumbass," I said, which earned me a hardy smack.

"My god, Jack. You're terrible," Hiccup remarked, who had now moved to rearranging everything on the new, chestnut coffee table.

"Would you have me any other way?" I smiled, then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, or tried to anyway.

Hiccup shoved my face away from him, trying not to smile, "No, I suppose I wouldn't."

"Well, he says he'll be home soon. So you don't have to keep that worried scowl on your face any longer," I said, expecting another slap of some sort.

"I do not scowl!" Hiccup said defensively.

"Yeah you do. You scowl when you're in deep thought, and you scowl when you're worried. Sometimes it's a little hard to tell which one is which," I said, scrunching up my eyebrows and smooshing my lips together. Hiccup was not too pleased with me mocking him.

"I do not look like that!" Hiccup said snapped.

I grinned, "You do it all the time. I think it's a cute and endearing scowl."

"Very flattering, Jack," Hiccup huffed and crossed his arms.

I leaned over and kissed him again. This time I was not rudely shoved away and was actually allowed to show my affection. Hiccup scooted over, disrupting the throw pillows he had just painstakingly arranged, and snuggled into me. He rested his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You know, I'm pretty cold. Could you help warm me up?" Hiccup asked, obviously alluding to sex. I can always tell he wants sex when he gets cuddly and starts sounding like a bad porno.  
>I looked over at him with an incredibly unimpressed look on my face, "Seriously. You want <em>me<em> to warm you up?"

Hiccup smirked, "Well I tried didn't I?"

I smiled, "You never were very good at being seductive."

I could see it in Hiccup's eyes that he was considering beating me up then and there, but instead answered simply with, "Thank you for summing that up."

I grinned, "No problem. Still want to screw?"

"You're so subtle," Hiccup chuckled.

I graciously took the liberty of carrying Hiccup to the bedroom. While we were undressing, I didn't realize that Toothless had slipped into the room with us. I also didn't realize he would single-handedly cause so much bullshit tonight.

Toothless' Point of View

My humans have been doing absolutely nothing interesting all day long. Ever since my tiny human left, it's been nothing but what Hiccup calls "the bills" and Jack has been doing "yard work". The second they sit down I get two chin scratches and then they're off to bed already. Ridiculous.

Might as well go to bed with them. Fiske doesn't seem too keen on returning and playing with me anytime soon. I followed Jack and Hiccup into the bedroom, my nails clacking against the hardwood floor in the hallway followed by soft padding as I trotted onto the carpet in the master suite.

I leapt up onto my special dragon perch near the TV in the corner of the room. At least my humans call it a dragon perch. It's really just a soft pad on an elevated wooden tower with scraps of cloth. Jack had built it for me when we first moved into this new, fancier cave. I was very helpful. I picked up parts of it and ran off with them. I even buried two of them in the backyard. Jack was incredibly grateful that I was helping him exercise.

I scratched my nose and circled my bed a few times before finally settling down for a nap. When I looked up to check on my humans what I saw horrified me! What was Jack doing to Hiccup!? He was pushing something inside Hiccup's bum! Hiccup started making sounds of pain! That's not like them. Usually they're snuggling on the couch or doing something like that! How dare Jack hurt him like that!

I sprang from my dragon perch and onto the bed. I put my gums around Jack's shoulder and forcibly pulled him off of my Hiccup. What he was doing was simply unacceptable! A good roar in the face should teach him a lesson!

Hiccup's Point of View

I was alerted that something had gone awry when there was a loud thud and I felt a sudden absence of Jack behind me. I turned around in time to see Toothless pinning a confused, panicked, and stark naked Jack to the ground.

"Toothless no!" I yelled.

Toothless looked over at me with those big emerald eyes of his, shocked that I was yelling at him, and flicked his tongue out at me. I wasn't about to be phased by his boo-boo face.

"Toothless get off of him this instant!" I said sternly.

Toothless eyed Jack for a moment, roared in his face, then released my poor husband. I got up off the bed and went over to Jack. His hair was swept back almost straight, and I'm pretty sure that if Jack was still brunette his hair would definitely have turned snow white from that wonderful experience.

"You alright?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah, just a little… startled…" Jack said quietly.

Toothless snorted and skulked up to his own bed again. I noticed that Toothless' eyes weren't leaving Jack. Probably really tempted to swat me for choosing such an "abusive mate". He's done it before. I once dated a guy back on Berk named Olle. He was a real jerk. The first time he hit me in front of Toothless he found himself knocked clear out the window. Then Toothless turned to me and lightly smacked me upside the head like "What the hell were you thinking Hiccup!? You stupid or something?!" Yup. Those were good times. Ever since then Toothless has been like a protective father over his teenage daughter. Every boyfriend I've ever had after that incident had to pass his inspection flawlessly to continue dating me. Now it looks like Jack will have to go through it twice.

"Maybe we should get him used to the idea of how humans mate," I suggested tentatively.

"Ya think?" Jack asked sarcastically.

I helped Jack back up onto the bed. Toothless puffed up a bit and looked to be readying himself for another spring at Jack. I felt like I was suddenly on an episode of some horrible sitcom. I could almost imagine Toothless saying something along the lines of "What the hell you doing with this fat nasty trash, boy? I told you this fool ain't for real!" in a majestic sassy black woman voice. Why I imagine Toothless as Madea I honestly couldn't tell you. I'll find some way of blaming that on Jack later.

"It's alright Big Baby Boo," I said, then pointed at him, "But you need to learn to behave yourself."

Toothless grunted and huffed at me. Clearly we needed to have a conversation about his attitude and proper behavior towards family members. Pouncing on people was simply unacceptable. We had taught Fiske not to jump on him, perhaps a little reciprocated respect wouldn't be too much to ask.

It's just as well that Toothless interrupted us. A few minutes later I heard the front door open and close. I hurriedly threw on my clothes and chucked Jack his apparels.

"Fiske is home, get dressed," I said, "I need to slap him for letting us worry about him all day and find out who this Hiro kid is."

"Yeah, yeah I'm on it. No need to be so pushy," Jack said, struggling with his shirt.

I strode out of the bedroom, down the hall, and into the kitchen to find Fiske snacking on tortilla chips. I swear that boy never stops eating. The first place I always look for him is wherever the nearest food source can be located.

I took the hood on his sweatshirt and pulled it over his face, "Do you think this is a game, boy? We were worried sick about you! Always remember to text when you're going to be out later than you say."

Fiske fixed his hood and looked down at the floor, "Sorry Mom. I didn't mean to cause you guys any grief. I was going to go and apologize immediately, but then I got hungry again."

I sighed, "It's alright. Just please be more mindful next time. Now, who is this Hiro and why haven't we met him before?"

"Um, well I just met him a week ago for like not even five minutes. I honestly wasn't planning on hanging out with him at all because I didn't really know him," Fiske explained.

I looked at him dumbfounded, "Then how the hell did you end up at his house?"

"He owed me donuts. So he took me to where he lives with his Aunt and older brother down at the Lucky Cat Café. He's really cool, and so is his aunt. I haven't met his brother but he also sounds really nice. We played video games, talked about comics, and ate junk food. It was great," Fiske said, shoving another handful of chips into his mouth.

Jack walked out of the bedroom and Toothless was right on his heels. Jack was trying not to look uncomfortable but he was never really great at hiding his emotions. He had a cross between "Get this thing away from me" and "Jesus don't let it hurt me" written all over his face.

"Uh, what's with Toothless?" Fiske asked Jack, "He's usually following Mom around all the time."

"I honestly have no idea," Jack lied, watching Toothless through his peripheral vision.

I inwardly and outwardly sighed. Toothless was going to be difficult to reason with on this one. I understood that he thought I was in trouble so I couldn't get too mad at him. It also didn't help that Toothless had never had a mate of his own. He's never even met another Night Fury. And who knows how long Jack will have the patience for this kind of treatment. Why does life test me so?

Jack tried to walk past me to get to the couch but Toothless launched himself in between the two of us and pushed Jack away from me, instantly assuming that Jack was going to shank me with a meat sword or something of that nature. Jack jumped back and skittered over to the couch, looking less than pleased.

"Toothless! What the hell, bud? Roll back the attitude and stop bullying my husband!" I scolded him.

It didn't do very much. When Toothless doesn't want to listen he doesn't want to listen. And he had it dead set in his mind that Jack was out to hurt me. Fantastic. This was going to be a long night indeed. Then I had to go and make things worse. It occurred to me that Toothless had to have at least seen sex before since he lived on the dragon island. Which brought a pretty important question to mind.

"Jack, how do you think dragons have sex? Do you think it's like other reptiles where they don't move very much?" I blurted out, not remembering who else was in the room with me.

Fiske and Jack just sat there looking at me for a solid minute. Heat rushed to my cheeks as I realized what I had just said in front of our son. Our son who was now probably questioning a lot of things in his life… like why his mother was thinking about dragon sex for no apparent reason.

"Well, I can see you guys have very important matters to attend to. Like discussing how dragons hump each and other whatnot. I'll just go and… I'll um, see you guys later," Fiske said, scurrying out of the room as fast as possible.

I slammed my face into my hands. Jack got up off the couch and started walking towards me. I say started because our friendly neighborhood chastity cop "Captain Cockblock" was about to take flight and reprimand Jack for breaking the "stay one foot away from Hiccup" law. If this were a comic book the narration would probably go something like this: Captain Cockblock uses Condom Force Field on Sergeant Meat Sword! Will Sergeant Meat Sword ever have intercourse with his husband? Find out next week in the new issue Captain Cockblock vs. the Nefarious Boner.

"We can research dragon porn tomorrow after a good night's rest, okay?" Jack said, exhaustion evident in his voice.

I nodded, cheeks still tinted pink, "Yeah, I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one day."

"I agree. That was pretty embarrassing. Maybe next time you could try not asking potentially fetish related questions in front of Fiske," Jack teased.

"Yes, thank you. I'll keep that in mind. Maybe tonight you sleep on the floor," I retorted, making my way to the bedroom.

"No, no. I'm good," Jack said, not far behind me, but far enough away that he didn't get brutally attacked by our overbearing reptilian nanny.

"Hopefully tomorrow will be better," Jack added, trying to lighten things up as we crawled into very opposite sides of the bed.

I smiled, "Yeah, I hope tomorrow you do something embarrassing so I can throw it in your face."

"I love you too, Hic," Jack said with a sigh.

"Love you too, Snowflake," I replied, greatly enjoying the silent pain radiating off of Jack. He always hated that nickname so it's the only one I ever use. I know, we have a great relationship. I can only hope that one day Fiske finds himself a piece of shit to sass for the rest of his life.

We waited until we heard Toothless settle onto his grand heap of blankets and mattress before quietly scooching together and cuddling before falling asleep. I just hoped I wouldn't find Jack thrown out of bed the next morning. It's a slim chance, but it just might happen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

(A few days later at the Hamada household)

Hiro's Point of View

I woke up to Tadashi, my lame as hell older brother, shaking me incessantly. My arm was numb and covered in drool. This was not turning out to be the ideal morning. What the hell time was it? Tadashi tries to upset me in as many ways as possible and he is doing a damn good job of it already.

"Tadashi, I love you, but I'm going to screech," I said groggily, "What do you want? It's the ass crack of dawn and I should be sleeping right now."

"It's 8:00, Bonehead. Not quite what I'd call the butt crack of dawn. And this is important! You have to see this!" Tadashi said excitedly.

He eagerly went over to my desk and grabbed a piece of paper. I sat up, still looking disheveled, upset, and probably hung over. I had stayed up way too late last night trying to fix up Megabot, the robot I've been using in bot fights for a little over a year now. Bot fights that technically I'm not supposed to be participating in but I've never been known for my good decision making. God my eyes sting. Not that it matters to my lame ass brother or Baymax, his rotund robotic nurse, who was standing in the center of the room watching as Tadashi… set the paper on fire!? He is the last person on the planet who should be allowed near an open flame!

I jumped out of bed, "Tadashi what the hell!?"

Tadashi looked over at our resident robot marshmallow with a stupid smile on his face, "Baymax, put out the fire."

Baymax extended one of his plushy, vinyl arms and a jet stream of fire extinguisher foam came propelling out, smothering the small fire that my idiot brother had started. A nice "Good morning Hiro watch me burn down half of the cafe" would have been nice but I guess this as good as it's going to get.

"I finally got all of the bugs out!" Tadashi exclaimed, excitement lighting up his eyes.

I smiled at him, "That's awesome! That took a lot less time than I thought it would. I'm proud of you bro."

"Good morning, Hiro," Baymax said, "How did you sleep?"

"Morning, Baymax," I answered, still rubbing my eyes a bit, "I slept pretty well until Tadashi gave me a heart attack."

Tadashi made a mocking pouty face at me like the mature 22 year old he truly was. He's never going to grow up. Ever. I mean, most of the time he's Mr. I'm So Serious About My College Education, but there are other times when I wonder how old he really is.

Baymax held up his hands and they started glowing an iridescent blue, "My hands are equipped with defibrillators. Clear."

As Baymax started shuffling towards me with his ominous glowing hands, I freaked out and scrambled away from him, "STOP! It's just an expression Baymax. Jesus! I thought we went through this!"

"Yeah, still working on his understanding of metaphors, expressions, and sarcasm," Tadashi said with a sigh.

"I couldn't tell," I said sarcastically as Baymax lowered his arms, "Aunt Cass and I know the feeling. We're still working on your understanding of fire."

"Still don't trust me after the last incident, huh?" Tadashi asked, his voice held a tinge of embarrassment, "Baymax, I am satisfied with my care." Baymax nodded and shuffled over to his charging station to power down, almost stepping on that annoying creature we call our cat. Mochi flew out of the room with an unpleasant squall.

"Um, yeah. Still not over that one," I replied, trying and failing to not be rude, "It takes real talent to set chicken nuggets on fire _in the microwave_ and then proceed to set the rest of the kitchen ablaze by trying to put them out."

Tadashi chuckled, "Well, excuse me for not being good at cooking. Some of us aren't as smart as you and check the power level on the microwave before entering the cooking time. I know that's hard for someone like you to comprehend Mr. I Can't Make Mistakes."

"Anyone can do that Dashi! And just because I graduated high school at 13 does not mean that I'm incapable of making mistakes. It just means that it's difficult to convince me that I'm not incapable of making mistakes," I countered.

"Yeah, that's for sure," Tadashi quipped, fussing with his phone. Wait. Was his phone always that color?

I glared at him, "What are you doing with my phone, you jerk!?"

"Who's Diane? And why haven't you ever talked about her?" Tadashi asked, "Is she your girlfriend?"

Dear lord, he's the nosiest person ever. Ever since he caught me at a bot fight he's been keeping a really close on me. And I do mean _close_. I mean, sure I've had run-ins with some pretty dangerous people, but nothing that I can't handle. Well, maybe except for Yama. He was the champion bot fighter until I beat him. I'm not really his favorite person and I have the distinct disadvantage of not being a big crime boss with a bunch of goons working for me, so he's almost killed me on several occasions in the past year and it's been Tadashi who had to come and save my ass each time. Is Tadashi right in following my every move when I leave the house? Probably. But I still don't think my love life is anything he should be muddling about in.

"No, Diane is not my girlfriend," I said in a huff, "What would make you think she is?"

"The way you two talk to each other. Every other sentence is an insult and she's about as sassy as you are. Also likes puns. You two would make an adorable couple," Tadashi replied teasingly.

"Uh huh. It's nice to know you ship me with one of my friends," I said, trying to look as unimpressed with his shit as possible, "And Diane is a guy. That would make him my boyfriend, not girlfriend."

"Diane… is a boy?" Tadashi asked incredulously.

"His name is actually Fiske. It's always autocorrecting to Diane and I'm too lazy to fix it," I explained, making a grab at my phone while he had his guard down.

No luck. Tadashi has pretty quick reflexes. He held my phone up above his head and well out of my reach. It wasn't too difficult for him considering I stand at 5'0" and he towers over me at 5'9". The really depressing part is I might not get much taller than this. Our father was American while our mom was Japanese. Tadashi has a few more Asian features in his face but takes after my dad in height, while I have a few more American features in my face but my mother's height. I got the short end of the stick on that one. I guess you could say that when it comes to height I stopped short.

"That's a really strange name," Tadashi mused, "Is he foreign?"

"He's from some island called Berk or some shit. I have no idea where that is. All I know is that it's a Viking name. Now give me back my phone, butt hole," I replied, making another sad attempt to jump up and snatch it.

"You can have it back in a moment, Knucklehead. First you have to do two things for me," Tadashi replied, pushing me back onto my bed like a rude ass ho.

I crossed my arms and glared at him, "And what would those be?"

"Agree to help me with the grocery shopping this morning and let me meet your Viking boyfriend," He replied, smiling at the grimace on my face.

"Sure I'll help you and he's not my boyfriend," I replied, still glaring at him.

"Alright then. Get dressed because I'm leaving in ten minutes. And we might need some stuff at Target too," Tadashi said as he tossed me back my phone. The phone that I totally caught and didn't drop or anything like that… It dropped on carpet so it was fine. Which is why I was on the soccer team when I younger and not the baseball team. I couldn't catch a ball to save my life. Or a phone.

After getting dressed and eating a quick breakfast Tadashi drove us down to Safeway in his dorkmobile. There's really no other name for a car like that. The technical name for it is a beat up Toyota Corolla. It's from sometime around 2005. Aunt Cass bought it for Tadashi about a year or two ago saying that "You need to have a real mode of transportation. The moped is nice, but you need a car." I have to admit, I think he looked less dorkly on the moped. There's a Tails the Fox stuffed animal on the dashboard of the car, a plush toy power ranger and ninja turtle in the back window, and plastered on the back window itself are some geeky stickers. From a Batman to an Autobot symbol. He looks like the biggest nerd on planet Earth driving that thing. But does he care? Of course not.

We strolled into the grocery store and I struggled to grab a cart. It's a little more difficult than it sounds. Whoever is put in charge of the shopping carts in this grocery outlet does a terrible job of arranging them. It's like shopping cart Tetris. Most of the carts are either facing each other in a little grocery satanic pentagram or tangled in one another somehow. Perhaps the store employees were waiting for the carts to become conscious and be sagacious enough to untangle themselves. Who knows?

There was hardly anyone in the store so I thought it would be socially acceptable to be an enormous child, "Grab a cart. First one to the produce section wins."

"Oh? And what's the prize for the winner?" Tadashi asked.

"Loser does the dishes for a week and winner gets to point and laugh at the dishwasher," I replied, "Now hurry up. I'm not getting any younger."

Tadashi smiled and shook his head, reaching for the handle of the nearest cart, "Whatever you say princess. Just know that there's no way you're winning."

"And what makes you say that?" I asked, dreading the looming short joke.

"Face it, Knucklehead. You can't even win a race in Mario Kart. How do you expect different results here?" Tadashi asked, finally wrestling a cart out and positioning it next to mine, "And you're ridiculously small."

"I am not small! I'm just… I'm more aerodynamic than you are so shut up," I retorted, "3… 2... You cheater!"

Tadashi took off on the count of two and left me in the dust. Rude. I quickly shoved the cart forward and tried to catch up. Unfortunately I am not Vin Diesel so I was having more than a little trouble doing so. Thankfully neither of us won that race so neither of us had to do the dishes while getting pointed and laughed at. What's unfortunate is that we nearly ran over Diane, I mean Fiske and who I assumed is his father.

Fiske and presumably Jack rounded a corner unexpectedly, then jumped back and away from their own junk food filled cart when they saw us come hurtling towards them. Tadashi and I came to a screeching halt a few inches from their cart. The floor cleaner is not going to be happy about these tire marks on his nice semi-clean looking tile. Both of us immediately apologized to the two disgruntled individuals before us for our reckless stupidity.

"It's ok," Fiske said, still catching his breath, "You two must be the 'Nascart Assholes' that my mom complains about when he does the grocery shopping."

"Oh, is your mom the tall brunette with the uh, prosthetic leg?" Tadashi asked.

Fiske nodded and brushed back a few stray blonde locks of hair, "Yeah. I assume he's called you that and other names similar?"

"Yeah. We can't blame him though. We've almost run him down plenty of times. But when it comes to insults I don't think he has a leg to stand on," I said, and then held up my arms to protect my face from a horrified Tadashi, who was giving me a death glare and threatening to smack me upside the head. He stopped when he realized that both Jack and Fiske were laughing.

Tadashi stood there dumbstruck for a moment, then said, "Do you know each other by chance?"

"Yes, Tadashi this is Diane. Diane this is my older brother Tadashi," I said, taking great pleasure in seeing Fiske's indignant glare.

"Are you here by yourself, Diane?" Tadashi asked, looking up and down the aisle for Fiske's parent or guardian.

That was a stupid question. Jack is standing right there and he's incredibly difficult to miss. Striking icy blue eyes, hair whiter than a Snow rabbit's pelt, pale skin, just below 6 feet tall, carrying a weird walking stick, and wearing no shoes. Jesus either I've gone mental or Tadashi has completely lost his eyesight.

I was about to call attention to the shenanigans when Fiske spoke up, "Uh, no. My dad is around here somewhere. Probably pilfering around for more junk food."

Jack rolled his eyes and said to Fiske, "Wow, thanks for painting me in such a good light, son. Now they're going to think I'm a fatass."

Fiske didn't respond to or look at Jack, furthering my confusion. Why the hell isn't Jack visible or audible to Tadashi? And I thought he was also visible to Fiske, but now I'm not positive. Unless Jack being invisible is normal and Fiske simply doesn't want Tadashi thinking he's a crazy person who talks to people who aren't there. Duh. College student at 15 and it is really showing now. Still doesn't explain why Jack isn't visible to some and not others though. I'll have to ask Fiske about that later. When I came back to reality from my deep thoughts, Jack's eyes met mine and I waved at him, trying to be friendly and all. He seemed kind of startled and hesitantly waved back. Things just keep getting weirder around Fiske by the minute. I thought it was my job to attract weirdness and bullshit.

"Well, Hiro and I are going out to Target after grocery shopping. Did you want to tag along?" Tadashi offered.

"Um, yeah. I'll ask my dad when I find him," Fiske replied, biting his bottom lip a bit. "It's fine," Jack sighed, a tinge of bitterness evident in his tone. Clearly he was not loving being invisible.

"I'm sure he'll be alright with it," Fiske said, making a visible effort to stay focused on Tadashi and me.

"Are you sure you have the time? I mean, I know you're a pretty busy person. What with all the pillaging you need to get to and whatnot," I said teasingly.

Fiske stuck his tongue out at me, "Don't you have a harbor to bomb?"

I grinned, "I don't have that scheduled until December. Text me when you know what you're doing, douche nozzle."

"Will do, short stack," Fiske countered.

Once we parted ways, Tadashi looked at me and said, "Wow. You two are going to be lifelong friends."

"Maybe. I just hope we never get tired of making fun of each other," I replied.

"I hope so too, little brother," Tadashi smiled, "Now, if you're done making incredibly rude jokes we have shopping to do."

Fiske's Point of View

After grocery shopping was done and I helped Dad load everything into his obnoxious green truck, I said goodbye to him and went off with the Hamada brothers for another fun filled day of dumbshittery. You would think a trip to Target would be relaxing and peaceful, but I had the most potent bullshit magnet in history with me the whole time. Naturally a regular everyday errand turned into Hiro almost getting himself killed. This kid is so danger prone he would walk right off a pier if no one was there to supervise him. He must be Daphne Blake's spirit animal because no matter how many traps she falls into in the old Scooby Doo show she still doesn't out-bullshit Hiro.

Everything started off just fine. Tadashi went off looking for Aunt Cass's cosmetics stuff, and I was looking at the new Smash Bros. game while Hiro and I were insulting each other back and forth incessantly. Nothing new there. I explained the whole thing about my dad and how you need to believe in him to see him. Hiro surprisingly didn't question anything that I told him. He just accepted it and moved on. That was definitely nice. But as we were walking towards the restroom area Hiro got this panicked look on his face and quickly ducked behind a rack of women's overcoats. I would be lying if I said I wasn't questioning his motives.

"You looking for a new winter coat for the coming season?" I asked mockingly, "The blue one right there really brings out your eyes."

"It wouldn't match my shoes though. And I don't think I have a purse to go with it," Hiro answered, "Now will you be quiet, stupid! I'm hiding."

"I am not stupid! And who are you hiding from?" I asked.

"You're blonde of course you're stupid. Two blondes fall down a hole. The first one says 'Wow! It's really dark down here!' The second blonde says 'I wouldn't know. I can't see.' And who I'm hiding from is none of your business," Hiro replied.

"Dear lord. Now it's cat jokes _and_ blonde jokes. I really need to step up my game," I replied, "And seriously who are you hiding from?"

That's when I noticed two scary looking guys lumbering our way. One of them was kind of skinny but still looked pretty god damn strong and menacing. Although he did look a little ridiculous with a teal beanie on. Who told him it was ok to where that shade of teal on top of brunette hair? It just looked silly and really washed out his face. To the right of the fashion faux pau stood the model of the store Big and Tall. He was a very tall and obese Asian man with thick, bushy eyebrows and a serious receding hair line. His greasy black hair was pulled back tight into a ponytail and he looked downright terrifying. He looked like he was leading the Japanese mafia.

"I thought I saw that little Hamada boy a moment ago," The large man said to the beanie guy. His gruff voice was a little harsh on the ears.

"I know I saw him walk in here, Yama. I'm sure of it," The beanie guy answered, "I thought I saw him near that blonde kid over there. And where's Harry? He was over there just a second ago."

"What a bodyguard he turned out to be. Oh well, we don't need Harry. Let's go find that little shit," Yama snapped.

I felt a wave of nausea hit my stomach like a bag of bricks. Who were these people!? Who is Yama and is he really so important that he needs bodyguards!? Why were they after Hiro!? Where's Harry!? So many questions, so little time. I had no idea what to do and they were looming ever closer.

"When I get my hands on that little brat the coroners are going to have to scrape his remains off the street," Yama said through gritted teeth, "Because nobody hustles Yama!"

Faster than a speeding bullet Hiro dashed into the nearest restroom. And like the moron I've always been and will be, I followed him. Once inside the bathroom the first thing that hit me was a feeling of not belonging. Like I wasn't supposed to be here. I dismissed the feeling when Hiro snapped at me.

"What are you doing!? You're not supposed to follow me!" Hiro said in hushed voice.

"I'm not going to leave you by yourself with some crazy fat guy after you!" I said also whispering, not sure why we were being so quiet.

Then it hit me. I wasn't supposed to be here and Hiro wasn't either. There weren't any urinals in this bathroom. Agitation and fear were rekindling and my chest ached a little from all of this stress that was raining down from the sky. And it didn't get any better. A herd of old women suddenly started flooding out of the stall doors further down in the lavatory, and Hiro abruptly grabbed my arm, yanked me into a stall, and pulled me up so I was halfway crouching and halfway standing on the toilet seat. He simply stood on the toilet because he couldn't be seen over the stall walls even on the tip of his toes. Friggin' short people. I glared at Hiro while he attempted to readjust his footing. In doing so he almost lost his balance and I grabbed onto his arm before the doofus could fall.

"Hiro god damn it what the hell are you doing!?" I whispered, letting him know under no uncertain terms that I was upset with him.

"One of those old ladies is Mrs. Jenkins. She's one of the most crotchety elderly citizens in the history of the Lucky Cat Café. If she saw us in here she would have freaked and pummeled us to death with that wrecking ball she calls a handbag," Hiro explained, "And say one thing about Miley Cyrus and I'll throw you out of this stall."

"Blonde jokes, insulting my mother, getting trapped in a woman's bathroom, and almost getting yourself killed all in one day? I can't take you anywhere," I huffed, trying to calm down, figuring it was no use getting angry and thus more agitated.

Hiro smiled, "I try. Your hand is really cold by the way. Do you get that from your dad?"

"No, I'm adopted," I replied, "I'm not actually blood-related to either of my parents."

Hiro looked a little befuddled, "That is so weird. You have your dad's electric blue eyes and you have some of his facial features."

"Coincidence," I shrugged.

"By the way the guy who's after me is called Yama. I beat him at bot fighting and tricked him out of a lot of money. I didn't really give it back and now he wants me dead. He's probably part of a crime syndicate of some sort," Hiro said.

"Leave it to you to fuck up in the most majestic ways possible," I sighed.

The gaggle of old biddies finally corralled themselves out of the bathroom and we were given the chance to escape before the toilet jokes began. If I heard one thing about someone looking flushed I would've punched something. When we exited the bathroom Yama and his crony were nowhere to be seen.

"I think we should go find your brother and stick by him for the rest of this shopping trip. What do you say Tooth Gap?" I asked.

"Don't insult me! You're so rude. Making fun of my beautiful teeth. This calls for another blonde joke and then we find Tadashi. Three blondes walk into a building. You would think one of them would've seen it," Hiro replied, sticking his tongue out at me.

"Dear Jesus, let's find your brother before I hurt you," I chuckled.

It didn't take too long to locate Tadashi. He was still in the cosmetics section looking for a specific type of nail polish. The search didn't seem to be going too well. Hiro and I attempted to assist but neither of us knew where on God's verdant earth we were going to find Nicole's Fanatical Fuchsia because everything looked to be 50 shades of bullshit in this aisle. Every nail polish had a title 35 characters long. How do they even come up with these names!? Crimson Blood of My Fallen Enemies. It's fucking red! Eventually we broke down and asked an employee to find it for us.

I thought the dumbshittery and tom foolery would've ended there but unfortunately being so close to Hiro means that dumbshittery and tom foolery are always lurking on the horizon, waiting for the right moment to strike. We were looking for a Battle Shell Raphael action figure in the nearby toy aisle for Hiro's friend "Nell" for her birthday. I have no idea who that is and I'm not sure I want to know. If she's friends with Hiro that should tell you enough about her right there. Tadashi and I were having a light saber battle in the middle of the aisle while Hiro was locating said action figure when we heard the call of a wild douche bag.

"I swear Yama. I saw him!" Beanie Guy said, desperation evident in his tone.

"If he's here, we'll find him," Yama grunted in response.

The two assholes were a few aisles away and closing in fast. Hiro and Tadashi both looked flustered and dumb stricken. Perfect, so that means Yama will probably recognize both of them. So I performed some professional on-the-spot bullshitting. Since these weren't through aisles we were boxed in with nowhere to go but towards those creeps back the way we came. I brusquely snatched an Iron Man mask off of the shelf and strapped it onto Hiro's face. I did the same to Tadashi with a nearby Captain America mask. I shoved a light saber into Hiro's hands and then we continued our dumb Jedi fight while Yama and Beanie Guy passed us by. They glanced over at us, then wrote us off as weirdoes and kept going.

Once they had passed out of hearing range, Hiro took off his mask and smiled at me, "Damn, Frisky's. That was some impressive stuff you just pulled out of your butt. No wonder you still have all nine of your lives."

"Yeah, it's too bad you don't have nine lives, Bonehead," Tadashi said, removing his own mask, "You need them. Now let's get out of here before something else goes horribly wrong."

I ended up back at the Lucky Cat Café after the Target incident was over and done with. It was so relaxing not worrying about scary thugs prowling around toy aisles or violent flocks of the elderly. Aunt Cass welcomed us with junk food and spine cracking hugs. After a nice afternoon of watching bad Patrick Swayze movies we all sat down to eat dinner like normal people.

"So how did the errands go today?" Aunt Cass asked.

"Well Tadashi didn't end up in an explosion so I call that a plus," Hiro said, receiving a slap on the arm from Tadashi.

"Um, I'm a little lost," I said hesitantly.

"About a year ago Tadashi was almost caught in an explosion at the school," Aunt Cass explained.

"Jesus. What happened?" I asked.

"I was trying to get into my brother's college, the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology, and in order to do so I had to present something impressive at the showcase. I showed my microbots and everyone was really impressed by them and all that, so I got admitted to the university because I'm cool. After the showcase Tadashi and I went outside for some fresh air. Tadashi took that time to insult my performance and embarrass me to a great extent. Next thing we know there's a fire engulfing the building. We run back to see what happened and a woman tells us that Professor Callaghan, the head of the institute, is still in the building. Tadashi tried to run in and save him but… I wouldn't let him go," Hiro explained, beginning to look a little emotional.

"Hiro wouldn't let go of my arm. For such a small person he has an iron grip when he feels it's necessary. And then the explosion happened. My torso was a little scorched but nothing too serious. I'm just glad that Hiro wasn't hurt. It's a good thing he did stop me from going in there after Callaghan. He was the one who started the fire. He wanted to steal Hiro's microbots and use them for his own personal gain and the fire provided him with the perfect opportunity to do so," Tadashi finished.

"After that, I made armor for myself, Tadashi, Baymax, and our other nerdy friends, got out there, and stopped that jackass. I wasn't going to let him keep my microbots if he wasn't going to do something good with them. I mean, I like explosions and destruction and all, but preferably when no one's getting hurt by them," Hiro added, "That's a big part of the reason why I sing songs like Some Like It Hot or Fire Burning to Tadashi when he's trying to get stuff done. He smacks me for it almost every time. Though it serves him right for almost getting himself blown up."

Tadashi sighed, "I apologized and promised I would never let myself get blown up. Good grief."

I leaned toward Hiro and said quietly, "So what you're saying is that Tadashi experienced a smaller version of _Hiro_shima?"

Hiro bit his lower lip trying hard not to laugh. It didn't work. Still laughing, he smacked me, "Wow, Frisky's. That joke totally bombed."

"I tried to go out with a bang," I giggled.

Tadashi and Aunt Cass exchanged worried glances as we continued laughing. They silently resolved to just let it go. Neither of them wanted to have any part of our assholery. And it's probably for the best. The rest of the evening went pretty much like that. Hiro and I made really bad jokes while Tadashi and Aunt Cass sat there shaking their heads.

This was only the second time Hiro and I had hung out and already I felt like we had known each other for longer. It's a weird and unsettling feeling. But at the same time it's a great feeling when you find someone who shares your sick sense of humor and nerdy interests. From jokes about tragedies to Patrick Swayze films. You also know that it's going to be a non-stop, fun filled adventure when you get locked in a woman's lavatory running from crime bosses and old people in the middle of Target on a regular basis. San Fransokyo is much more interesting than Berk ever was. I just hope it doesn't get much more interesting than that.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Fiske's Point of View

In the coming months Hiro and I became inseparable. We were over at each other's houses so much I started referring to the Lucky Cat Café as home, and Hiro did the same with my house. We still made fun of each other all hours of the day, but there were a lot more serious conversations that we had as well. These talks were few and far between but they were still there. The bullshit was also still exceedingly evident. There were frequent 2:00 am Taco Bell shenanigans, near run-ins with Yama, and offerings of gummy bears in exchange for math tutoring. Because I can't do math to save my life and Hiro has a worrying gummy bear habit.

Since Hiro and I were attached at the hip and there was a great lack of people my age on Berk, my parents let me drag him along on our trip. We're going to visit Berk for two weeks to see my grandparents and all of my parents' friends on the island. I should say my mom's friends. Dad likes most of them just fine, it's mostly Astrid and the twins that get on his nerves. Astrid never particularly liked my father's sense of humor, and he didn't appreciate her near complete lack of one. It also didn't help that he insulted her Yaknog, a fun new "beverage" that she created one year at Snoggletog. It wasn't intentional but she was pretty peeved about that one for a while. Although I have no idea how the phrases "What the hell is this made of? Rhinoceros puke and dragon anus?" didn't sound offensive to my father. It sounded offensive to pretty everyone else. And the twins… they're just different. I have to admit, they can get on my nerves a lot too with their constant bickering. Snotlout isn't too bad. He's just really bullheaded and into himself but he doesn't cause too many problems. And Fishlegs is just awkward as hell with people. Yup, so excited to see everyone again…

My father and I had finished packing a while ago but my mother was still double-checking, triple-checking, and quadruple-checking that we had everything. Toothless had drifted off to sleep on his mattress about forty minutes ago and I was tempted to join him. My butt was falling asleep and it was tiring just watching Mom scurry through the house like a meerkat with its tail on fire.

"Fiske, did you pack a toothbrush and toothpaste?" Mom asked.

"Yes," I replied absentmindedly, twisting some loose threads on my on one of shoes between my fingers.

"A warm coat?" Mom asked.

"Yes," I nodded, trying not to sound exasperated.

"Did you pack clothes for Hiro?" He asked, still bustling about through the kitchen.

"Yes. I packed everything we need," I said, hoping that would put a stop to the no doubt endless line of questions heading my way.

Mom still didn't have his shit in order and it had taken me almost two full hours just to find my old Viking clothes for Hiro to wear. Come to think of it those clothes are ancient. I haven't been able to fit into them since I was about eleven or twelve, but Hiro doesn't need to know that. He's already unhappy about the fact that he can't wear his own clothing in the first place, but if he showed up in normal city clothes we would have an entire village of panicked Vikings readying the torches and war hammers.

"I'm almost ready!" Mom called from some new location in the house.

"Alright, I'm going to walk down and get Hiro!" I called back.

I arrived at the Lucky Cat Café right in the middle of Tadashi relentlessly mothering and pestering Hiro. They were standing in the middle of Tadashi's more pristine and unsoiled side of the room. The younger Hamada had the most unamused look on his face and intermittently uttered "Yes Tadashi" while the elder Hamada lectured about safety, don't talk to strangers, not being stupid, etc. Mochi sauntered up to me and demanded attention, so I snuggled with the fur ball for the duration of the sermon. When Tadashi had finally finished, Hiro lightly punched his upper arm.

"You act like I'm a walking disaster area that charges head on into danger on purpose," Hiro chided, crossing his arms to further illustrate how offended he was.

I was tempted to say because you are, but that would've been pretty rude. That and I've never seen Tadashi look this serious before. It was a little unsettling. He seemed to readying another long winded discourse but stopped himself. He probably figured it wouldn't do any good. No matter how many times you warn Hiro not to be dumb, he still finds a way to almost get himself seriously injured.

Tadashi sighed, "I know you're not. I just worry about you, that's all."

Hiro smiled, "Because you're a nerd."

Tadashi looked stern for a moment, "Because I can't lose you too, Bonehead."

Hiro's smile vanished, regret and guilt taking its place, "I'm going to be fine, T. I promise."

Tadashi's facial expression softened a bit and he ruffled Hiro's messy hair, "You better be. Or I'm banning gummy bears from the house."

Hiro looked aghast, "You wouldn't!"

"I would," Tadashi playfully admonished, "Now go say goodbye to Aunt Cass."

Hiro hugged Tadashi, which was really hard to not laugh at. I mean, it was really cute and all but it was looked absolutely ridiculous. Tadashi had to bend down so they could actually embrace each other. It's no wonder Hiro has a midget complex. I couldn't help myself. I had to snicker a little bit. It did not go unnoticed like I had intended.

Hiro let go of Tadashi and shot me dirty look, "Come on Aryan Beach Boy let's go."

"Wow. Hitler jokes now? I did Nazi that coming," I replied.

"Auschwitz you would hurry up," Hiro retorted, "I'm waiting on Jew."

I said goodbye to Tadashi, then I grumbled and reluctantly stopped petting Mochi. It was a heartbreaking goodbye and I promised Mochi I would be back soon to give him more snuggles and cat treats. We located Aunt Cass, each received a rib-cracking hug, and then hiked back to my house.

Now came the fun part of trying to make Hiro look like a Viking. Hiro eloquently announced his arrival with an obnoxious "I'm home!" and Toothless came bounding in to say hello like we had been gone for millennia. After getting crushed under several tons worth of dragon cuddles, I led Hiro into my room and shoved wool clothing and leather boots into his arms.

"Put this on and see if it fits," I said, awaiting the inevitable sassy comment.

"Damn. I didn't know I had to wear leather, fur trimmed Uggs," Hiro said, inspecting the shoes with a look of concern plastered on his face.

"Oh my lord they are not Uggs. They're normal Viking attire," I huffed, glaring at him.

"Sheesh, you already look attired of my shit," Hiro said smiling.

"Just get go get dressed while I recover from that horrible joke," I retorted, smirking back.

While Hiro was getting changed, I began to begrudgingly braid my hair. Why that's a Viking tradition I will never understand. It makes sense if you've got long hair and you want it out of the way in battle or something like that, but just walking around? Really? I never saw it as necessary but Mom would smack me if I didn't do it. So I just left it at a small braid off to one side, a lot like my mother's just a lot less professional looking. I was pretty good at braids by now but I hadn't been able to reach that same level of fabulous. Then I went to help my Dad with his. Dad's braids are even messier than mine when he actually attempts it. He's just not coordinated enough with hair I guess.

There aren't many instances where I'm uncomfortable with Dad but braiding hair is definitely one of them. Both of us feel a certain level of embarrassment doing it because it feels so silly. I'm sure it's three times worse for my father. I wouldn't want to ever ask, "Son, do you think you could spare a moment to come over here and help me braid my hair?" That's just humiliating for everyone involved.

By the time I was done finagling decent looking braids into Dad's hair and our awkward silence was over, Hiro came out of my room with a very troubled expression on his face. I thought he looked fine in the olive green woolen shirt and brown linen pants. Then I realized it was the shoes that were the issue for him. You know when you terrorize your dog or cat by attaching little boots to their paws? That's pretty much what it looked like.

"How do you walk in these gargantuan, clunky monstrosities?!" Hiro asked, trying not to trip over his own feet as he staggered over to me.

"Well you generally start with putting one foot forward, and then the other. Repeat that a few times and you should be walking within the hour," Dad quipped.

Ah ha. Ah ha ha ha. Very funny," Hiro smirked, still attempting to walk like a normal human being and failing miserably.

"A lot different from your high tops but you'll get used to them in no time. In fact, I'd say you're already a shoe-in for success," I said.

Hiro stuck his tongue out at me, "Go ahead! Make jokes at my expense! See if I care!"

"Well, shuffle over here so I can braid your hair," I replied.

"You're kidding me. There is no way in hell I'm letting you do that," Hiro retorted.

"It's a Viking tradition, Hiroshima. Now get over and here and sit down," I said, pointing to the couch cushion beside me.

Hiro grumpily tromped over and sat himself down rather unhappily beside me. He only stumbled once, I was impressed. Then the real bullshit began. It was difficult to get his god damn hair under control long enough to actually do anything with it. It was like a never ending war. I would win a battle on one front just to lose on another. It kept going in all different directions and it flat out refused to stay put for longer than a millisecond. The only upside was that his hair was almost as soft as his cat. It was really tempting to start petting him but I had a feeling that wouldn't go over very well.

I probably should have warned Hiro about how we were getting to Berk, because as soon as I was done playing hair stylist a tunnel opened up in the middle of the living room floor and a six foot rabbit hopped out of it. Hiro shrieked and jumped into my lap, gripping onto me like that was somehow going to make the situation any less distressing. Bunnymund screeched in answer and leapt back several feet, clutching his chest.

"Bloody hell! You scared the shit out of me, ya gumbie!" Bunnymund snapped in a gloriously Australian accent.

"Wh-why is there a talking rabbit from Down Under who sounds like Hugh Jackman in your living room?" Hiro asked, looking to me and my dad.

"Hiro, this is Bun Bun," Dad said, gesturing to Bunnymund, "He's the Easter Bunny and he doesn't eat Asian children, so there's no need to panic."

"I don't eat children, period. And you can call me, Bunny, Bunnymund, or Aster. You may not call me Bun Bun," Bunny replied, glaring at Dad, then he turned back to Hiro, "I'm sorry to have frightened you, mate. That was not my intention."

"It's… it's ok," Hiro replied tentatively, eyes wider than dinner plates and still maintaining his iron grip on my shoulder.

Mom and Toothless strolled into the living room toting a pile of luggage. I gently pushed the Asian koala off of my lap so I could get up and help them. I should say tried. Hiro wasn't going to budge after that experience. It took a lot of physical strength and will power to get him to retract his claws and let me up. Hiro was still keeping a close eye on Bunnymund, probably asking himself if he was stoned, crazy, or all of the above. While Dad began instructing Hiro on safe tunnel travel, Mom and I set up the suitcases in the middle of the room and made small talk with Bunny. It was a little challenging to keep the conversation going with Toothless batting at Bunny's tail every ten seconds or so. Bunny would attempt to ignore it but after a minute or two he would try to relocate somewhere else just to have the pesky dragon trailing behind him, still swatting at his tail. After several dirty looks that Toothless blatantly ignored, Mom sighed and sternly told the oversized lizard to knock it off.

Toothless grumbled a bit and sat down as Dad and Hiro joined us in the middle of the living room. I really wish Dad could've gotten a hold of North so we could've just stepped through a portal instead of going head first into the most painful, bullshitty slide ever created. That and it's easier for poor Toothless. He got stuck last time we did this and he was pretty butt hurt about it for a while. It only made it worse when Dad started in with the fat jokes. Toothless pouted about it for most of the day and wouldn't look at Dad until he apologized.

"You all ready?" Bunny asked, although he was mostly looking at Hiro.

"Yup, ready," Hiro said, while the rest of us nodded.

Yeah, he wasn't ready. Hiro shrieked again as the floor gave way beneath us. Dad and Bunny took off in front of us like they always do. They feel the need to make everything into a competition. That left me, Hiro, and Mom tumbling oh so gracefully all the way through the tunnel, with Toothless sliding on his belly right behind us. In hindsight we probably should have had Toothless go first. At the end of the tunnel we were abruptly dumped into a pile of flailing arms and aching bodies, then crushed beneath the weight of a Night Fury, who's bum served as a great barrier to stop the luggage from hitting us as well. Bunny and my father were laughing their asses off at the sight of us. It was a great start to the trip if you didn't count the entirety of it so far.

"Thank you so much for your help, Jack!" Mom said sarcastically, as Toothless got up and off of us.

"Aw, come on Hicky. You were doing great," Dad answered, holding back giggles, "You looked so elegant."

"Number 1, don't ever call me that again. Number 2, you're carrying the luggage into the house," Mom answered with a sniff.

"Sounds like you're in trouble now, Frostbite," Bunny said snickering.

"Fiske, why don't you go find your grandparents and we'll meet you back at the house," Jack said, smacking Bunny's shoulder.

"Alright. Come on Hiroshima. This way," I said, helping a still stunned and disoriented Hiro stand up from where he had so magnificently landed on his rear.

The insult brought him back up to the land of the coherent. "Lead on, freak," Hiro replied.

As we were walking into the village he asked me, "So, Diane. What are your grandparents like?"

That's when I got a little worried. Now that I think about it, my grandfather can be really insulting. He doesn't mean to be, but sometimes he can just flat out insult you without realizing how hurtful he's being. Mom has told me about plenty of times where Grandpa had insulted his height, scrawniness, and his lack of dragon killing capabilities. Fantastic. I could almost hear the short jokes coming from all the way over here.

"Uh. They're nice. My grandmother, Valka, is the sweetest person on the planet. Really loves and cares about dragons. My grandfather, Stoick the Vast, is also nice. Most of the time…" I replied.

"Wow. What a name. So do I call him Mr. The Vast? Or is that Sir The Vast?" Hiro asked.

"Neither, Stoick should be sufficient you ass," I retorted, rolling my eyes.

It wasn't too difficult to spot Grandpa. It was liking playing a game of Where's Waldo? with Hagrid. He was in front of Gobber's place. We walked up to the humungous hulking mass of Viking, and then the real bullshit began. Like I said before, he doesn't mean to be insulting. He simply is. I also got to see a whole new side of Hiro that I didn't even know existed. As soon we got into close proximity to Grandpa, Hiro moved closer to me and actually looked a little frightened. I always saw him as the arrogant little shit that he normally is, but now he just looks vulnerable and scared. Was my grandfather really that terrifying or is Hiro like this with all new people?

"Fiske my lad! It's so nice to see you again!" Grandpa exclaimed, lumbering over and giving me a bear hug.

"It's nice to see you too," I said, struggling for breath.

Grandpa released me and looked down at Hiro, then turned to me and said, "Your parents didn't adopt another one did they?"

"No, they didn't. This is my friend, Hiro," I explained.

"That's a strange name. How old are you, little one?" Grandpa asked him, still looking almost completely straight down to actually see him.

"Uh, fifteen," Hiro said, looking increasingly more uncomfortable.

My grandfather started laughing, "By Thor, you look to be ten! Take a look at this Gobber! This walking fishbone is fifteen years old!"

Another enormous Viking looked over the counter of the saddlery, and burst out laughing as well, "Are you serious?! You better keep an eye on that one, Fiske. He might get stepped on."

Hiro now had a look of pain and humiliation on his face. It broke my heart. He looked like a kicked puppy. A really adorkable puppy but a sad one none the less. I figured now would be a really good time to make a graceful exit.

"Where's Nanna?" I asked.

"She's flying Cloudjumper at the moment, but she'll be back soon," Gobber replied, brushing his obnoxiously long moustache.

"Well, we'll be at the house helping Mom and Dad unpack. See you guys later," I said, before anyone else could make a rude comment.

We began the trek back to the house in silence. Once we were out of ear shot I turned to apologize to Hiro, but stopped when I saw that he was only getting more nervous and upset. Some of the other surrounding Vikings had noticed the "walking fishbone" and were staring at him. One kid pointed at Hiro and asked his mother, "Why is his face weird?" It didn't occur to me until that moment that Berk, being as isolated as it was, had never come into contact with anyone of Asian descent. Hiro didn't look incredibly different, but he did look different enough. This wasn't going well, and after that lovely comment Hiro looked like he was about to throw up.

Once we had reached the house on the far side of the village Hiro turned to me, still clearly upset, "What the hell is wrong with my face!?"

"Nothing! They just aren't used to… people like you…" I said hesitantly.

"What does that mean?" Hiro asked, eyes narrowing.

"It means they've never seen an Asian before, so you look weird to them. The people of Berk might have ships, but all they really ever used them for was trying to go out and kill dragons. Once they stopped doing that they didn't really go out exploring because they were trying to avoid trouble or something like that. My mom was the only one interested in going new places, no one else really cared. They were always so wrapped up in their own little world they never really got to know other cultures and fun stuff like that," I explained.

Hiro still looked a little upset, just not as intensely so, "So there's nothing wrong with my face?"

"No. There's nothing wrong with you. I think you're very attractive," I said, then immediately started malfunctioning, "I mean, I don't think that… what I meant was… uh…"

Yup. Social skills at its finest here people. You know when you decide to drink orange juice and you brush your teeth right afterward and then you feel that deep regret and immediately question your life's choices? Multiply that twice over and that's about where I am right now. Flying out the window and rolling into the sunset was starting to look like a very viable option. What made it so much worse was that Hiro was now giggling. I can always count on that one true friend who sees me in great and insufferable pain and thinks it's just god damn hilarious.

"You always this articulate, Captain Coherence?" Hiro asked, lightly poking my belly.

"Yeah, pretty much. This is as good as it's going to get," I replied shifting my feet uncomfortably and praying that my face wasn't as red as it felt.

"Oh, your mom told me about his breast hat by the way. I just want to know, when do I receive my boob hat and battle axe?" Hiro asked.

"I'll get you a boob hat tomorrow and I don't trust you with a kitchen knife, so a battle axe is out of the question," I retorted, heart rate slowly going back down to normal.

"Aw, come on now. I've worked with knives in my Aunt's kitchen plenty of times. They're really cutting edge," Hiro said, grinning.

"Well, it's nice to see you back to your old self again," I said with a touch of sarcasm, "Come on, nerd. I'll show you around the house."

We traipsed through the house so I could pretty state the obvious for a while. Every house tour is pretty much the same. Here is the kitchen. You can tell it's a kitchen by looking at all of it's kitchen-like features that you see in every kitchen ever built. This is my bedroom. It's a room. It has a bed. See this. This is a toilet. So this is the bathroom. Actually the toilet was the most exciting part of the whole thing. I thought Hiro was going to have aneurism right then and there. I don't know what he expected. Vikings weren't known for their five star hotels and fancy toiletries. When Hiro saw the hole in the ground he looked really flushed. Pun intended.

"I am not using the bathroom like that," Hiro said indignantly.

"Well you can brave the brush outside the house if you like," I retorted.

"I am not braving any kind of foliage to take a shit," Hiro stated, still looking unhappily down at the gaping hole.

"I'm sorry that this is such a shitty situation for you," I replied, smiling.

"Blow me," Hiro scoffed, playfully shoving me aside as he left our glorious five star hole in the ground bathroom.

"Now that you've had the house tour and know where everything is, it's time to go catch some food for lunch," I said, making my way to the front door.

Hiro stumbled over one of his clunky shoes as he followed me, "I'm sorry, did you say catch the food? Are we going to kill innocent wildlife?"

"It's called fishing, Hiro. Not 'killing innocent wildlife'. You make it sound like we're animal haters," I said.

"Cry about it," Hiro retorted.

"I will not be able to guarantee that you'll live through this entire trip," I replied, pushing him through the front door.

Hiro almost face planted it but managed to regain himself, "Don't do that. You won't be able to call 911 to have my body picked up because you're blonde."

"What the hell does my hair color have to do with calling 911?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"You won't be able to find the 11," Hiro replied.

I stopped and thought really hard about that one. Then I got it, "I know there's no 11 button on a phone!"

"Wow. Look at you, figuring stuff out all by yourself. Good job, Delayed Reaction," Hiro said smugly.

"I'll push you into the lake," I grumped.

When we got down to the lake I attempted to teach Hiro how to fish. Seeing as the most difficult thing he had to do to obtain food his entire life was find the best deal on his favorite brand, the process was much more than grueling. Fox and the Hound flashbacks were had. When Tod tries to go fishing and he ends up flailing into the water and shoots up a log trying to grab a fish. Hiro made that look good. It was ridiculous. Clearly his survival skills were going to need some work, to put it lightly. Oh well, still plenty of daylight ahead of us for Viking training.

(Meanwhile back at the Haddock estate)

Hiccup's Point of View

I don't know if it was my resting bitch face or if I actually did look upset, because I had barely placed my rear down on that chair when my mother rushed over and swooped down next to me asking what was wrong. Did I look like someone had died or like someone had given me a bowl with a mix of M&Ms, Skittles, and Reese's Pieces? I had been thinking about some pretty upsetting stuff as of late but by Odin's beard I didn't think I looked like Kristen Stewart.

"Hiccup, are you alright?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, of course I'm fine," I replied half-heartedly nodding.

I knew that I've always been a bad liar all of my life. Jack had let me know that under no uncertain terms. It also didn't help that my mother is very keenly attuned to people's emotions. No matter how good of liar I could be, she would still catch me in the end anyways. Almost like an emotional bloodhound. Though maybe less terrifying than I just made it sound.

"You don't have to be alright, you know," Mom replied.

"I know," I replied with a sigh, "It's just… me being butt hurt over things that's all."

My mom cocked her head to one side and gave me a funny look, "If your rear end is in pain then perhaps you shouldn't be sitting down."

"No Mom it's when… never mind that. I'm upset over nothing is what I'm getting at," I explained.

"Perhaps not, son. Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Mom suggested.

I sighed. She wasn't going to leave me be about it until I told her. "It's about Fiske…" I began, "I just worry that I haven't been as crucial in Fiske's life as Jack has been. At the beginning everything was sunshine and roses, but when Fiske got to be about six years old he started asking Jack where he was off to all the time. When Jack explained that he had to go bring winter to the modern world, Fiske got curious and wanted to go with him to see what that other world was like. Jack agreed, and Fiske just didn't come back the same. He wanted to spend more time in the modern world, so Jack kept taking him. Fiske became more and more interested in the modern world than in ours, so Jack began teaching him more about it."

"I can't even remember the last time Fiske actually asked me for help. I can't help him with normal everyday things let alone his homework over there. We've been there for about three quarters of a year and I'm still getting used to how everything works and they adjusted almost immediately upon arrival. It's been a frustrating experience and I feel like I'm losing touch with Fiske now more than ever," I finished. I had to admit, I at least felt better after ranting about it.

"Have you spoken to Jokul or Fiske about any of this?" Mom asked, a worried expression on her face.

"No, not really…" I replied, shifting my weight a bit in the chair, causing my prosthetic leg to squeak.

"Well, there's a start. Either that, or perhaps get Fiske a dragon?" She suggested.

"I tried that. Fiske didn't get a connection with any dragon we put in front of him. Do I even have a right to be complaining about any of this?" I asked, feeling more than a little self-conscious on the subject.

"Of course you do, Hiccup. I regret everyday not being there for you throughout your childhood. I know how it feels to be left out. At least you go out and do things as a family. I never got to do any of that with you and Stoick. Perhaps start with talking to Jokul first, then see what headway you can make with Fiske," Mom said with a smile, "I'm sure you'll have everything figured out in no time."

I smiled in return, "Thanks Mom. I'll sort all of this out when we get back home. By the way, Jack still doesn't like that name."

"Oh well. It's what I've always known him as. He can get over it," She answered with a shrug, her long brunette hair flopping to one side.

"I'm sure he'll be so pleased to hear that," I said shaking my head, "Thanks for listening to all my bitching. I better go and check on Jokul, er Jack, and Toothless and make sure they're still getting along. It's been too quiet out there for a little too long."

Mom chuckled, "Of course, Hiccup. I'll start making tea for when you corral them back in here."

It didn't take long to find them. They were a few hundred feet from the house near the center of the village. Toothless had the hood of Jack's sweatshirt in between his teeth and he was perched on his haunches with a very distressed Jack trying to put his feet back on the ground, flailing his arms and yelling for help. I quickly walked over and scolded Toothless.

"Come on Bud, that's not nice," I said, "Please put my husband down."

Toothless gave it some thought then tersely dropped Jack on the ground. Jack landed on his behind with a thud and an unhappy grunt. He irritably stood up and brushed himself off, looking offended as all hell. Toothless just snickered to himself while he scuttled over to greet me.

I hugged Toothess' head and scratched his chin, then I turned to Jack, "Hey um, do you think we could talk somewhere a little more private?"

"Sure. You want me to go get thrown on the floor inside too?" Jack asked in a huff.

I gave him an unimpressed look, "No, I would actually talk to you."

Now Jack look worried, "Alright. That's fine."

We didn't actually make it all the way back inside before I started in with my questions, "Do you think Fiske and I are losing touch?"

"Um, I don't think so," Jack shrugged, then decided to be a gentleman for once in his life. He held the door open for Toothless and I, and didn't even make a fat joke when Toothless got stuck.

After successfully shoving Toothless inside, I continued on with my whining, "I know that he never really went up to me for help before, but he seems to be doing it less now."

"It's not just you. He hasn't been asking me for much help either. He's growing into a strong independent white boy who don't need any assistance," Jack replied.

"You're right. I'm just being silly," I said, feeling ridiculous for even having brought any of it up in the first place.

"No, you just don't want to your baby grow up," Jack said, "I don't want to see it either."

"No, I don't really want to see him grow up. It feels like just yesterday he was almost as tall as my waist, tugging on my sleeve and wanting to go play outside with his little wooden figurines. Now he's off getting himself into all sorts of trouble in the city," I replied with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah you can thank our new kid for that one," Jack said with a smirk, "Speaking of our other child, I hope Hiro lives through this entire trip. He has a bad tendency to get himself hurt and if there's anywhere he shouldn't be it's too close to any fire-breathing dragons."

"Seriously. Fiske better be keeping a good eye on him," I said, "The last thing I want is to have to call Cass or Tadashi from the hospital saying that we broke Hiro."

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Jack said, "The real question right now is are you fine?"

I thought for a moment then nodded, "Yeah, I guess I was just having one of those days today. Where you just don't feel like you're doing anything right. You know that feeling?"

"All the time," Jack smiled, "But you shouldn't worry so much. Everything is going to be fine. Fiske and Hiro can't get themselves into too much trouble all the way out here and you and Fiske can have some bonding time when we get back to the city. So what do you say we spend some time with your mum, then go on an adventure of our own around the island?"

"Sounds like fun. Let's do it," I said, smiling back.

(Third Day on Berk)

Fiske's Point of View

I woke up and nearly pissed myself. Now I truly understood the lyrics of Ke$ha's song. I did wake up this morning feeling like P Diddy. I awoke drowsy and confused about where I was, and felt the presence of another human being behind me that definitely wasn't there when I fell asleep last night. My heart froze and I didn't know how to react. Had I had drank too much and slept with a prostitute? I looked down at the arms enveloping my waist and realized that it was just Hiro. Last time I checked he wasn't a hooker. He must have gotten cold in the middle of the night.

I sighed with relief and stretched a little. Hiro grumbled something inaudible and shoved his face into my back. This is weird. I'm normally the cuddly one. It's almost always me who initiates snuggles. He's taking my job, damn it. That should have been my first indication that intense bullshit was going to happen today, but I'm not all that observant.

I waited patiently for about a half hour for Hiro to wake up, but my bladder was getting pretty agitated at this point. I need to go now. In my haste to get to our fabulous hole in the ground, I mean bathroom, I forgot that I had a human koala still very much attached to me. I gracefully plunged to the cold stone floor and took my now very disgruntled companion with me.

Hiro landed on top of me and awoke with a start, "What on god's verdant earth do you think you're doing!?"

"Well, every morning I throw myself on the floor before getting up and going to the bathroom. I follow that up with leaving the house through the side window to walk around to the kitchen, enter again through the window and then get myself breakfast," I replied sarcastically, "I thought I would change it up a bit and throw an Asian child on the floor along with me. For good luck and all that. I fail to see why you're so surprised by this."

"I fail to see how you fail to see that I don't appreciate your bullshit," Hiro retorted.

"You going to let me up today, Dental Work? I still have to pee," I said, fidgeting under his weight.

"Umm how about no? I'm comfortable up here," Hiro replied like a jackass.

"How about I pee on you then? Would that be better?" I asked.

"Nope. I'm good," Hiro replied quickly as he rolled off of me.

"Thank you," I said, standing up and brushing myself off, "After breakfast you want to go wander around the island and get absolute nothing done?"

"Procrastinating? I don't know maybe later," Hiro replied from where he still lay on the floor.

Once I actually got the joke I groaned and left to go urinate. A little while later we rushed through breakfast because we've got a whole day of goofing off to get started and that's pretty serious business. It wasn't until about midday that the second omen reared its ugly head. We had made it to the far side of the island when we found a dragon trap lying out in the open. Naturally Hiro wanted to go up and touch it and see how it was put together.

I slapped his hand away from it, "Do you want to set that shit off and lose a hand?"

"Well instead of being a shit about things you could lend me a hand," Hiro replied smiling, "I wasn't actually going to touch it you know."

"Uh huh. Like that time you said you weren't going to shake up my soda before handing it to me?" I asked, unconvinced.

Hiro lightly punched my arm, "You can't complain about that. Most of the soda got on me."

"I'll complain about you all damn day if I please," I answered.

"So what exactly is this supposed to be trapping? Elephants?" Hiro asked, gesturing to the open maw of the metallic contraption.

"Dragons," I said bitterly, "There are still dragon trappers that hang around after all of these years."

"Dude. This thing looks like it could kill a dragon, not just trap one," Hiro replied.

I picked up a stick and carefully tossed it into the steel monstrosity. It triggered the trap and made a loud, resounding crack throughout the meadow. It sounded like Thor himself had pimp slapped the Incredible Hulk. The noise reverberated off of the surrounding ring of mountains.

"At least this trap won't be hurting any innocent dragons today," I said, still feeling pretty miffed about the whole thing. Drago had been gone for years and yet the trappers still refused to leave Berk alone.

I didn't have very long to be irritated before I heard a crash. An injured dragon came careening down from the sky and nosedived straight into the ground. The dragon poked its head up and looked around with a dazed expression on its face. It didn't look like any dragon breed that my mom had told me about. It kind of looked like Toothless, vaguely. It was about the same size but pure snowy white and the head spines were different. They were pointier and closer together. It was also more slender and streamline in body type. The dragon's face looked somewhat feminine and it had piercing, bright cyan eyes. Scratch that, one piercing, bright cyan eye. Her left eye was cut open. She had faulty depth perception and couldn't fly, that's why she had hit a tree and smashed into the ground. Blood was still running down her silvery scales from that bum eye, the poor baby.

The she dragon irritably stood up and walked bitterly towards a patch of dragon nip. She seemed to be having a bit of an existential crisis. Fear and anger swirled in her good eye and she kept shaking her head back and forth. She must've hit her head pretty hard on the way down. Hold up. Dragon nip doesn't grow naturally on this side of the island. Oh crap.

Now it was my turn to do something really, really stupid. "Stop!" I yelled at the chalky white beast.

She planted her feet down with a flare of annoyance and glared right at me with her good eye. That was the most intense stink eye I had ever received from another living being. I have been glared at plenty of times in the past, but she was clearly trying to make me spontaneously combust with the sheer force of her scowl. The dragon then decided to ignore me, probably figuring I was only a minor annoyance compared to the rest of her problems, and continued on her course leading straight into bullshit. Someone get Admiral Ackbar all up in here because that is definitely a trap.

I started moving towards her only to have Hiro latch onto my wrist, "Fiske no! Not a good idea!"

I wrenched my wrist away from him and continued being an idiot, "She doesn't know any better. Someone has to help."

The dragon was nearing the faulty dragon nip so I yelled at her again, "Don't do that! It's a trap!"

Now she was mad. She whipped around to face me and lunged forward into an all-out charge. I could hear Hiro yell something behind me, but I couldn't quite hear him over the sound of me getting impaled. The snowy white dragon had me pinned down on the ground under her massive paw, and her fore claw was lodged in the left side of my stomach. It started off as a sharp pain upon impact, then it dulled down to a slightly less sharp pain. This was truly stupendous. Heat was shooting out in all directions throughout my torso and the wind was quite successfully knocked out of my body.

Then a large rock struck Chalky White square in the jaw. As the projectile bounced off the shimmering scales, the dragon swiftly turned on the new assailant. Hiro was in the midst of readying another rock when Chalky White began her next assault. When I saw the fear stricken expression cross Hiro's face I panicked. My hands were suddenly very cold. My hand shot out towards the dragon and time seemed to stop as a jet stream of ice blasted from my fingertips. A wall of ice shards formed between Hiro and Chalky White in seconds.

Hiro screamed and jumped away from the ice wall, while Chalky White froze for a moment then looked back at me. Rage melted into bewilderment in her working eye. She cautiously scooched toward me a few feet. Her tongue flicked in and out of her mouth a few times before letting loose her own torrent of ice onto the ground between us. It looked a little fuzzy because my eyesight was swimming in a sea of bullshit. I smiled dazedly at Chalky White, and to my great surprise she attempted to smile back.

My mind was currently trying to focus on way too many things at one time. My thoughts must've looked like rush hour in midtown San Fransokyo. And there was still blood pouring out of my open wound. That was certainly not helping. I just found the smallest ice spitter on record. That was a feat in itself. If I can make ice out of air and bullshit then that must mean that I am directly related to my dad. That means that my parents have been lying to me for my entire life. Not only that, but there a few other unsavory possibilities that come along with being related to a winter spirit. I felt like throwing up, crying, and punching something all at once. My body compromised and went with the 'let's just pass out and see what happens when I wake up' option.

Hiro's Point of View

My breathing hitched as ice came flying out of nowhere and I think I might have screamed. Did that just come shooting out of Fiske's hand? This day went so far downhill, so fast. Stupid dragon. Now Fiske is forming a spiritual connection with the damned thing? And Fiske is unconscious. How am I going to get his dumb ass back to the village now? God this is all happening way too fast.

I started walking briskly toward the dragon and my unconscious friend. I was going to tell that thing what for, "Get away from him! You've done enough already!"

The dragon looked a little confused as to why I was yelling at it. I didn't have time for its ignorance right now though. I just hoped I would be able to get Fiske back to the village to get medical attention. I bent down and tried to pick Fiske up but only succeeded in moving him over a few inches to the left. After about ten minutes of me trying and failing horribly to lift Fiske, the dragon slowly walked forward and tried to touch him.

"I said get away!" I yelled, hoping it would leave soon.

The dragon looked taken aback once more and bared its teeth at me. I sat down next to Fiske and sighed in frustration. I simply wasn't strong enough to lift someone that heavy. As I was trying to think my way around the problem, the milky white dragon reached over with its hooked, bat-like wings and gently slid them under the unconscious moron. I was about to chastise the dragon for deliberately disobeying me, but stopped when it hauled Fiske up onto its back. That was actually kind of gross. How the hell did its wings even move backwards like that? What kind of ball-and-socket joint moves does that at that angle? Note to self: dragons defy logic.

"Can you take him back to the village?" I asked.

I was met with a blank stare. God damn it.

I sighed, "Will you follow me?"

That the dumb thing seemed to understand. Recognition of the phrase passed through its one eye and it began to scuttle along behind me.

We walked side by side through the meadow. Awkward levels were reaching over 9,000. I had watched many a time as Hiccup, Fiske, and Jack would have full conversations with Toothless. I still felt a little weird talking to Toothless myself. It was basically talking to a mute human. He clearly understood everything I was saying but the fact that he's not human is just so… I don't know the right word for it. It's just off putting. What made the current situation even worse is that this dragon was still being a total priss. Shooting me dirty looks every two minutes. God, why couldn't we have run into the Bill Murray of dragons? If we ran into a chill dragon that would've made this entire trip so much easier. But no. Fiske had to try and save the most stuck up prude on four legs.

The killjoy and I finally made it back to the village, still with complete silence between us, and we arrived back at the house to find no one home. Thank you for nothing, Jack and Hiccup. I had no idea who the hell to turn to for help now. I had briefly talked to a few of Hiccup's friends but I didn't remember a single one of their names. Why does life test me like this?

I roughly shoved aside my anxiety and strode up to the woman nearest to us. She had an air of authority about her. I vaguely remembered talking to her on Day 1. She didn't like Jack. Jack had insulted her something or other and that's why they didn't get along. And her name reminded me of a butt. Her name is Astrid! Damn I'm good at this.

"Hey, Astrid is it? Where are Jack and Hiccup?" I asked, trying not to sound too panicked.

Astrid turned and smiled, "Oh hello… Hikaru? Jack and Hiccup are out flying Toothless. Oh god what happened to Fiske!? Is he ok?!"

Done. So done with everything. Suddenly I sounded like the protagonist in a bad anime and what the hell kind of question was that!? Is he ok? Give me a break. It took a lot of self-control to not answer with "Of course he's ok. His stomach always spontaneously combusts when he falls sleep on the back of a feral dragon".

"Not really," Was the answer I went with.

"Come on. Bring him to Gobber and we'll see what we can do for him," Astrid said, urgently motioning for me and the prude to follow her.

Vanilla Ice the flying reptile stayed uncomfortably close to me the whole trek over there to Gobber's saddle shop/dragon dentist's office. It kept looking around at all of the surrounding Vikings with a very concerned look on its face. I didn't fully understand why it was still here. It could have just dropped Fiske off, said fuck you, and left. So why didn't it?

The dragon shoved its head into the small of my back when Gobber and Astrid went to retrieve Fiske. This dragon was friggin' weird. I mean Toothless and the other dragons can have a senior moment once in a while, but this kind of shit was just bizarre. To my horror Gobber stitched up Fiske's stomach right there in front of us. I sat there mindlessly stroking the dragon's scaly, silver head while Gobber worked. It was disgusting watching the needle pierce the skin on the way in and on the way out. I almost threw up after about two sutures. Astrid attempted approaching the feral dragon only once. After she almost got her hand bitten off Astrid backed off and then just looked really bewildered.

"Why is this dragon here?" Astrid asked, "She doesn't seem overly friendly."

"It won't leave Fiske alone. I have no idea why," I answered, "This dragon has done nothing logical since we came across it in the meadow. I think something might be wrong with it."

The dragon hadn't understood the word "village" but it certainly knew when it was being insulted. It smacked me upside the head with its tail rather hostilely. It hurt like hell. Gobber shooshed me when I yelped and jumped away from the scaly crap pile.

"I can't focus with you carrying on like that, Fishbone," Gobber scolded.

"This honky piece of shit started it! And my name is Hikaru! I mean Hiro!" I retorted. I was started to get a little fed up with all of these Berkian shenanigans.

Astrid and Gobber didn't really know what to do with me after that, so they just continued on with their business. Once Fiske had been fully stitched up and Astrid cleaned up the wound, Gobber carried him back to the house and got him back in bed. The irritating dragon rudely invited itself in with us and refused to leave. I didn't know what else to do with the damn thing so I just resolved to keep an eye on it until Fiske could wake up and deal with it. At the very least Fiske had the decency to wake up not too long afterward.

Fiske's Point of View

I awoke pretty much the same way I had this morning. Drowsy, confused about where I was, and Hiro was still right there next to me almost giving me a heart attack. I also had the added bonus of pain in my abdomen. Remarkable. I surveyed the room in an attempt to piece together what had happened while I was passed out. Hiro and Chalky White were still eyeing each other. Obviously they didn't make up during my unplanned nap and I'm a little lost as to why Chalky was even still here. Gobber was sitting on a stool by my bed, he had probably been the one to stitch me up. Those felt weird and gross implanted in my belly.

I started to sit up but was quickly shoved back down again by Gobber, who chastised me for being an idiot, "Lay back down! What do ya think you're doing?"

"I… I'm sorry?" I stuttered.

"By Odin's Beard boy. You have to rest," Gobber said, his accent so thick you could spread it on a god damn slice of bread, "Would you like anything to eat?"

"Um, yes please. If it's not too much trouble," I replied, then immediately regret being left alone with an angry Hiro.

Hiro punched my arm as soon as soon Gobber left, "Don't you ever scare me like that again! Next time a dangerous animal is out wandering the landscape, how about you not piss it off!?"

I rubbed my now sore and bruising arm, "You go off and almost get yourself killed all the time! This is an injustice-"

"No! You shut your whore mouth!" Hiro cut me off, "I was scared shitless! I was so afraid I was going to lose you, you idiot!"

"Number 1, you can't get rid of me that easily. Number 2, you're the one with the whore mouth around here," I sniffed.

Hiro took a breath, then asked in a somewhat less rage fueled tone, "Oh, how so?"

"Last week you hugged me and whispered in my ear 'Anime in the streets, hentai in the sheets'. Then you grabbed my crotch," I replied.

"Your majestic squeal was so worth it," Hiro chuckled, starting to relax a bit.

"Pssh. You're such an ass," I retorted, shifting my weight a bit. That's about when I realized that my filter had turned off due to my drowsiness. "You know, when I look at you from certain angles it looks like you're wearing eye liner," I said groggily, "Maybe I should start calling you Maybelline New York."

To my surprise Hiro didn't get irritated. "I've always been more of a Sephora kind of guy," Hiro smiled, then gestured to Chalky White, "Now seriously what do you want me to do with this piece of shit?"

"Have you tried getting her to leave?" I asked.

"Do I really want to tell a gargantuan hostile lizard to get out of town? Not really," Hiro answered simply.

I looked over at the female dragon, "You can go now. Shoo."

Chalky just stared at me for a moment. Then she sauntered up to the side of the bed, claws clicking across the stone. Hiro began to get up to shove her away, but I motioned for him to wait. Clearly this dragon wanted something from me. I just had no god damn clue what it is. She shoved her face into my hand and a low, soft grumble emanated from her throat. I started petting her for lack of a more productive thing to do.

"I guess we should give her a name," I suggested, "Umm, Luna maybe?"

"Call it Ugg," Hiro replied with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Why Ugg?" I asked incredulously.

"It's whiter than Vanilla Ice and has the attitude of a stuck up teenage girl," Hiro explained, "The name fits it."

Chalky didn't like that at all. Her eyes narrowed and her claws dug a little deeper into the floor. I started petting her with a little more vigor than before, hoping to appease her injured vanity. It seemed to work and she focused back on my hand again.

"Are you going to try to be nice to this dragon?" I snapped.

Hiro bit his bottom lip, "Well… yeah. I'll try if it does."

"A good start would be replacing 'it' with 'her'. She has feelings you know," I replied.

Hiro nodded, still looking mildly distrustful of Chalky, "Alright. I'll try if she tries. What's her name?"

"Uh. I'm kind of feeling Rosalie," I replied, still stroking her head.

"That's a cute name," Hiro said, "Still going to call her Slim Shady though. And are we going to discuss your freakish ice hands or what?"

I frowned and sighed, "I… I don't know what the hell to think about that. Obviously I am biologically related to my dad, which I really didn't want."

"Um, why? You seem to have a good relationship with your dad," Hiro replied. You know, for such a smart little shit he can be pretty thoughtless at times.

"I might inherit more than just his physical attributes and annoying personality," I replied, my eyes beginning to water despite myself. This is what happens when I get tired. I get overly emotional. Jesus, I could feel the man period on the verge of surfacing.

"So that means you could be immortal?" Hiro asked.

"Yeah. That's what that means. I could be immortal, I could have a prolonged life span, or I could be completely normal. I guess I won't know until I bring it up to Dad. That is, if he even knows the answer," I said, still mindlessly caressing Rosalie.

Hiro hugged me, being careful to not fuck up my stitches, "Well, no matter what I'll still be here to insult you, chastise you, and laugh at your expense."

"I love you too, Hiro," I smiled.

"Yeah I know. I love me too," Hiro replied, still embracing me.

"Well, at least I know that if I ever wanted to kill myself I could just climb to the top of your ego and jump down to your intelligence level," I retorted.

"I don't even know how to respond to that, "Hiro laughed, then asked in all seriousness, "Can I tell you something weird?"

"Nothing has ever stopped you from doing it before now, so I don't see why not," I answered.

"I don't even remember how I functioned without your sass and stupidity in my life before I met you," Hiro replied.

"I feel you on that one. My life prior to meeting you and your bullshit seems so boring to me now. And I've never been insulted in so many different ways before you either. You should go professional with that crap. You'd be at the top of every category," I said, leaning against him.

"Thanks. It's taken many years to get to this level of perfection. And I'm still not even at my final form," Hiro replied, "And is Rosalie going to be sleeping in here tonight?"  
>"I don't know. I guess we'll find out," I answered, "I just can't wait until my parents get back with Toothless. He is not going to be happy about sharing the position of giant needy lizard with her."<p>

Cue Gobber's entrance with smoked halibut and news of bullshit, "Here's your dinner, Fiske. I brought some for you too, Fishbone. By the way, your parents are home."

"Excellent. Tell them that I almost died and I shall receive them once my companion and I have consumed our sustenance," I replied, taking the freshly cooked fish from Gobber.

"Eh, I'll just tell them you almost died," Gobber replied simply, then tossed a fish to Rosalie who eagerly scarfed it down, "You might want to get her out of the line of fire."

I nodded, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it."

Gobber left to go signal the beginning of the impending parental stampede as I turned to Hiro, "Can you lead her over there to the corner and sit with her while my parents have their meltdown?"

"I could. The real question is will I," Hiro retorted, but did obstinately walk Rose to the other side of the room to sit with her and eat his halibut.

Rose would occasionally make a play for his fish, but Hiro wasn't having any of it. While they were bickering like children I hurriedly finished my dinner because I could hear the incoming bullshit barreling up the stairs. I sighed. I was probably going to get assaulted with both hugs and punches to the arm. Fun times in the kingdom these are.

As I expected my mother was the first to start suffocating me in a bear hug and to chastise my life's decisions, "Are you alright?! What happened!? Where are you hurt!? Is Hiro ok!? Do I need to get a hearse!?"

"Everything's fine. I'm fine. Hiro's fine. We're all fine here. I just needed a few stitches," I replied in perhaps too calm of a tone.

"A few stitches? Do you think this is a game, Fiske? What the hell were you thinking!?" Dad asked sharply.

"Well it wasn't on purpose you know! I didn't wake up this morning and say 'Gee, today is a day to get impaled'. I'm not purposely trying to make you mad!" I said defensively, "I simply had a little accident with a dragon trap today. That's all. Nothing serious. I'm just tired and my body aches a bit."

Both of my parents seemed to relax a smidgen. Then Dad spoke up again, "Please don't make this a habit like Hiro has."

Hiro was about to get offended but I had more important matters at hand. "Hey Mom, do you think you could help me with something after I heal?" I asked.

"Uh sure. What is it?" Mom asked suspiciously.

"I need to know how to train my dragon," I replied.

Mom stared at me incredulously, "You need to know how to what?"

Dad's facial expression changed from being really concerned to really done within the span of 0.3 seconds, "Another one? Good…"

Mom looked over to where Rosalie was still harassing a very upset Hiro. She was shoving her face into Hiro's side, probably searching for more food. Mom looked bewildered at first, then interested. Rosalie froze and stared at Mom as he carefully walked over to her.

"She's beautiful, though I have no clue what kind of dragon she is," Mom said thoughtfully.

When Mom got into range, Rose swiped her tail forward, hooked it around Mom's feet, and sent Mom down to the floor. Dad attempted to catch Mom but failed miserably and ended up going down with him instead, landing on Mom's stomach. Rose seemed to find amusement in it though. She started making a chuffing noise and tilted her head back. That is until she sneezed and blew a thick layer of frost all over Hiro. When Hiro squealed and leapt away from her, and she only laughed harder, making dragon wheezing noises. This dragon is a gargantuan jerk and laughs at other peoples' pain. I think we're going to get along just fine.

"Fucking god I don't like this dragon!" Hiro declared, storming over to my bed, brushing off frost as he went. Then he moodily got into bed next to me, took some of my blankets, and wrapped himself up in a little angry, Asian burrito.

Dad assisted Mom to a standing position once they had gotten their second wind, then Mom turned to me, "That's amazing. She's the smallest ice spitter I've ever seen."

Dad was about to open his mouth but Mom immediately put a finger to his lips and snapped, "One ice pun and I will-"

"Put him on ice?" I asked, then put my arms to protect myself from any possible slaps to the face. Dad and Hiro just sat there giggling while Mom just stared at me for a moment.

"I can see why she likes you so much, Fiske. She was clearly attracted to your intense bullshit," Mom retorted.

"Well which tense is it in? Past, present, or future?" I asked, earning me a dirty look from my mother.

"Just… stop… please, Fiske. As soon as you're better I'll help you train her, if it's possible," Mom said, "Though I'm sure we'll be able to do it eventually."

"Thanks Mom," I smiled, "I really appreciate it."

Mom smiled back, "Anytime. But seriously one more pun from any one and I'll scream."

"Noted," I said, unconsciously scooching closer to Hiro for warmth.

"You going to be ok alone with her in here?" Dad asked worriedly.

"Um, could you maybe stay in here with us? I don't know how much I trust her," I answered.

"Of course we can," Mom replied, and the parental units got themselves settled at my drawing table opposite my bed.

I turned to the Asian Burrito, "Do you mind if I sleep for a bit? Getting impaled is rather exhausting business."

"Sure. Go ahead. I'll just sit here and talk to Ugg and your parents," Hiro replied from his cocoon.

"Don't make her mad please," I said, then snuggled into Hiro's shell of blankets, already drifting off into sleep.

"Do what I want Diane," Hiro retorted, "You can't tell me how to run my life."

I half-heartedly glared at him, "If you piss off Vanilla Ice then that's on you."

"Go to sleep, nerd. You look like shit," Hiro chuckled.

I would've argued, but damn I was tired. I fell asleep listening to my parents having a pleasant conversation about the upcoming dragon races, and Rosalie pacing around the room. Her toes click-clacking against the hard rock floor and her occasional wheeze as she sat down or stood up. She isn't the most pleasant acquaintance to have made, but she certainly is entertaining. I just hoped I could trust Hiro and Rose not kill each other while I slept. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.


End file.
